right now .. .

I want to write. all that i want to just vomit from my heart i don't think i should though. (sorry, cause that was gross but it's the best way i know how to describe it).  i'll just be vague about it. this is something (like all other things) that i needs to put into Jesus' hands.  and i have, but i know this is something that just needs to sit and simmer inside me. i know this because this thing is a thought i have been fleeing for a while now and it won't work anymore for me just turn my back to it and say "i'll think you through later."  the thing is, now that i am taking the thought on, i don't know what to do with it.  time will probably help with that. i pray that it does.

i'm the type of person that doesn't like for things to not be settled.  all i can do right now though is stand in the middle of the unsettled thought.  in my minds eye, i stand in the midst of  a small windstorm (but it's still much bigger than i am). it's blowing things all around me and brushing past me, but i'm stuck standing in the middle of it.  in a weird way though, standing in the middle of it feels good because at least i'm accepting the fact that this is where i really do stand. up until now i had been running from it, not realizing that it was traveling with me. the wind chills me but it reminds me that my savior has calmed storms before. and i trust and hope in the knowledge that in His time, He will calm this one too.